


Out Of Ashes

by JaciSerigala



Series: GraTsu Drabbles [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Family, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 13:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaciSerigala/pseuds/JaciSerigala
Summary: "watching all these dreams go up in smoke."





	Out Of Ashes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icemakestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemakestars/gifts).



> Spoilers for the Alvarez War Arc

"watching all these dreams go up in smoke."

The guild was in ruins again, but it was okay, because they had won.

Natsu was talking in the hall that was currently crumbling to ashes, with holes in the roof and walls and floor, not a single plank of wood had been left untouched by Natsu and Zeref's battle, by Zeref's overwhelming power after stealing Mavis', and by his latest suicide attempt. But it was okay, because they had won.

The guild was revelling in the secret that had been shoved to the forefront, that secret being Natsu's identity. The guild was murmuring, as they took in the information, unsure of how to go forwards, as half argued that they couldn't trust Natsu now, whilst the other half argued in the fire mage's favour. But, it was okay, because they had won.

Because of the revelation, those who had already known, were naturally thinking back to their own discoveries, using the amount of time thet had known to decide their stance on the matter. Gray in particular was very quiet, not partaking in the discussion, and actively making himself as small as was possible.

He didn't meet anyone's gaze, and under the cover of the confusion and primary focus, he slipped away, as his heart bled. Wrapping his arms around himself, he felt the emotion building and the more he thought,

'Natsu...'

The more it,

'I tried to kill...'

Hurt,

'Dad asked me to...'

The more the present fell away,

'Kill, to destroy, to erase...'

And the past flooded in,

'To rid the world of his best friend...'

And the possibilities and what if's plagued and choked him.

'T-to... oh... oh God...'

Pressing himself into wall of the hall, he didn't even have a heartbeat to worry about damaging the build even further, before the tears sprang forward, too fast and too powerful to stop. With a whimper, he curled into himself, being crushed over everything, he swayed dangerously.

Tears fell in a chaotic, rushed, urgent, unorganised manner, as every pain, regret and ounce of guult that he had ever felt ripped through his body, cutting into his heart and his lungs and his soul, and scratching at his very humanity. Desperately clapping a hand over his mouth, as an attempt to conceal his panicking from the guild, as he almost pitched forward.

Partially, because he was a private person, and partially because he didn't think he deserved his guildmate's concern, after this last effort had left him almost, almost staining his hands with Natsu's blood.

He had no place in the guild anymore.

Avatar had left him on thin ice, as is, but now, they would know that he had tried to murder the guild's beacon of hope.

He had surrendered his right to be a part of this family. 

Sobs and whimpers and whines and pain reopened every scar that the war and his previous brushes with death had ever caused. His very memory of Natsu was being torn down, and replaced with the monster, the child that he had tried to kill. Every part of him was trembling in pain, that no Deliora could ever match, as his soul imploded from the guilt and threatened to break him.

He wasn't aware that anyone had followed him, until hands grabbed his shoulders, as his knees buckled. Through the blurry sheen of tears that burst out of his eyes, he saw Juvia holding him up with an emotion that he couldn't decipher, but that he definitely didn't deserve in her tender eyes. Ripping himself from her hold, he fell back against the wall, shrinking away from the woman, and then again from everyone who came closer.

And then... a calloused, burnt, warm, familiar -far too familiar- hand clapped down on his shoulder. Refusing to look up and acknowledge Natsu, as he desperate scrambled to collect the broken, dying pieces of himself. A loud sob echoed through the gathering crowd of mages, and he was suddenly unable to breathe or move or oull away from Natsu. His heat fed into hid panic and he let out a guttural scream that rocked everyone to the core, and brought Gray to his knees. Curling fetal position, he sobbed into the dirt, trembling and shaking as trauma and self-hatred ripped up the last shreds of his heart.

Those warm hands raced over his curled back, but everything was becoming blurrier, as the raven's body shut down and sent him sprawling over the ground, his heart ache resonating in his guildmates.

Natsu let out a slow, weezy breath, as Gray gave in and went limp. Trembling against the aftershocks of such an explosive reaction, he settled next to the raven, a few tears of his own slipping out, as he forgot to breathe.

Pulling the ice mage into his lap, he looked down at the heartbroken face of his brother in arms.

Yes...

They had won the war.

But at what cost?


End file.
